Post ur adult jokes here

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, 'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

'From now on when I say BELL 1

I want you to strip naked.

When I say BELL 2

I want you to jump in bed.

And when I say BELL 3

We are going to make love all night.
'The next night he came home from work and yelled

' BELL 1!' The wife promptly took all her clothes off.


When he yelled 'BELL 2!', the wife jumped into bed.
When he yelled ' BELL 3!', they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled 'BELL 4!'

'What the hell is BELL 4?' asked the husband?

'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE,' she replied 'YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.'

A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex.
He asked how often you should have it.
His granfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all the time....and maybe do it several times a day.
Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so.
Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month.
When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year....maybe on your anniversary.
The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "well how about you and grandma now?"
His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now."
"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.
"Well,"Grandpa said, "she goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom.
And she yells, 'fuck you', and I shout back, 'fuck you too.'

BLOW JOB



The boy just takes the girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?".

"What ? You're crazy???!!!"

"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."

"No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor..."

"At this time of the night no one will show up.."

"I've already said NO, and NO!"

"Honey, it's just a small blowie... I know you like it too.."

"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"

"My love.. don't be like that.."

At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in nightgown with her hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says. "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake to tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"

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you must read all the way through!

NO CHEATING!

mom calls the husband a 'bastard'

and then the dad calls the wife a "bitch"

and billy goes to his mom and says "mom what's a bitch and a bastard?"

and the mom says "well, a bitch is a lady and a bastard is a gentlemen"

and then later billy goes outside and listens to his neighbors, and hears "Put your penis in my vagina!"

So Billy goes to his mom and says "mom whats a penis and vagina?"

His moms says "Well Billy, a penis is a hat and a vagina is a coat"

and then later billy sees his dad shaving and cuts himself and says "shit"

and billy said "Dad, whats shit"

And then his dad says
"Well billy, shit is a type of Shaving cream "

and then billy goes to see his mom cutting the turkey and his mom cuts her finger and says "fuck!"

and then billy says to his mom "Mom whats fuck?"

"Well billy fuck is a way of cutting the turkey"

and Then later the guests arrive and billy goes to them and says

"Hello bitches and bastards, may i take your penis' and vaginas,
my dad's upstairs wiping shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the Turkey"